If you are reading this while having suicidal thoughts. Read my story.
Not trying to be a hero, just wanna help some poor souls.
You know what.
My life is just great. Full of joy, having enough food, money, having good friends
and lives in a peaceful country. Im pursuing my studies and not yet into love relationship.
The worst feelings that me and my friends had were just some mental breakdown matter about study and of course family matter. You know, stressful stuff that happen in life (◠‿◕)
BUT
I never faced such things as suicidal decision among friends, family or anybody that I know.
"why the hell I wanna talk about this if I have no experience about it??"
Well, Im a humanbeing. I decide to write this after watching a heartbreaking video about suicide shit. I broke into tears and how I wish I was there helping others. I never ask my feelings to react and what I got was a really sad thoughts whenever I think about it.
LISTEN.
There was a time I hit the lowest part of my life and it sucks! I feel very terrible. I hit my head with my fist many times and said negative words towards myself. I wanna smash thing so bad. I wanna curse at someone but at the same time I really wanna talk to someone that can understand my unstable mind. DISCLAIMER: IM NOT CREATING A FAKE SHIT
Yes, no one can understand since I know everybody I being close to with their personality. Our instinct never lie right? Yet I tell you only God know how terrible I feel about myself. I wish I was dead.
AND AT THIS POINT, I WAS WONDERING...
How painful life those with suicidal thoughts have faced in their life compared to me.
What if they are all alone and have nobody in life...
BUT I WANT YOU TO LISTEN.
UNTIL THIS POINT, I NEVER TALK TO SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND MY DEEP FEELINGS REALLY WELL. I BELIEVE NO ONE WILL GIVE A FUCK ON YOUR PROBLEM AND YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN( THERE ARE SOME,BUT THESE KIND OF PEOPLE ARE NOT EVERYWHERE AND CLOSE TO US, YET SOME MOTHERFUCKER WILL INSIST TO MAKE YOU TO FIND THEM INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH YOUR FEELINGS)
I KNOW YOU MIGHT SEARCHING WAYS TO CALM YOUR MIND BUT NOTHING MATCH YOUR NEEDS. BECAUSE FORMALITY OR THE RESULTS JUST MAKE YOUR FEELINGS NOT WORTH AT ALL.
I CRIED A LOT WHEN NO WANT IS WATCHING. I CRIED AND CRIED UNTIL I SAID TO GOD HOW USELESS I AM TO BE BORN.
LATER THAT ONE DAY
I REALISED
MY LIFE
I ONLY HAVE MY OWN LIFE ONCE
I WILL NEVER BACK ONTO THIS WORLD AGAIN AFTER I DIE
THE ONLY THING WE FORGET IS WE ARE ONLY LIVE ONCE.
WE CAN ACTUALLY DO WHAT WE WANT. IT IS FAILURE OR SUCCESS. AFTER FAILURE, YOU STILL HAVE OPTION TO CONTINUE OR DOING SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU CAN!!!
IF YOU ATTACHED TO SOMEONE WHO DESTROY YOUR LIFE. YOU HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS MIND TO GET AWAY FROM IT.
IF IT IS ABUSIVE, FIND A WAY TO REPORT THEM. IF YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY. DO IT! DO IT BEFORE YOUR WHOLE MIND ASK YOU TO TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE! AND BEAR IN MIND, THAT MOMENT IS THE ONLY TIME TOXICITY HAS INVADED YOUR PRECIOUS SOUL!!
YOUR LIFE IS PRECIOUS TO BE HURT!
YOU WERE BORN WITH A PURPOSE!
WHY ARE YOU WISH TO DIE FROM YOUR UNNOTICED SADNESS WHEN YOU CAN DIE IN YOUR EXPECTED TIME CREATED BY GOD, YET TRY TO DO MORE THINGS IN LIFE? NO MONEY?? PFFT. EVEN HOMELESS STILL MAKE MONEY IN A DAY AND CONTINUE TO LIVE. SMALL JOBS STILL RELEVANT. HAVE A CHITCAT WITH COLLEAGUE. JOIN A VOLUNTEER TEAM. I DON'T KNOW MAN. MAKE A LIST. IT HAVE WAYS TO DO.
YOU WERE BORN WITH CHOICES DARLING!
YOU GET DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF YOUR SURROUNDING. YOU JUST STUCK IN THERE FOR A MOMENT. WALK AWAY!
IT IS EVEN WORTH IF YOU DIE JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LIVE EVEN BETTER.
YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS TOO DIE WITH A WEAK SOUL.
GIVE YOUR LIFE A HOPE, LOVE!
IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU EVEN NO ONE IS AGREE WITH IT. BECAUSE YOUR SOUL ARE NOT CONNECTED WITH PEOPLE'S SHIT BUT ONLY AMAZING, YET CHALLENGING LIFE. THE HARDEST PART STILL will HIT YOU BUT IT HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY AND IF YOU ARE BEING CONSIDERATED, THEY ARE HAVING MUCH MORE SUFFER THAN WHAT YOU FACED.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMPARE YOUR STRENGTH WITH EVERYBODY ELSE. PLEASE, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY HAVE THE SAME STRENGTH AS OTHERS BUT WE CHOOSE TO DOWNGRADE THAT.
I DON'T KNOW YOU.
I AM A HUMAN.
I CAN'T BE EVERYWHERE IN THIS WORLD.
BUT I CONCERN ABOUT YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
Not trying to be a hero, just wanna help some poor souls.
You know what.
My life is just great. Full of joy, having enough food, money, having good friends
and lives in a peaceful country. Im pursuing my studies and not yet into love relationship.
The worst feelings that me and my friends had were just some mental breakdown matter about study and of course family matter. You know, stressful stuff that happen in life (◠‿◕)
BUT
I never faced such things as suicidal decision among friends, family or anybody that I know.
"why the hell I wanna talk about this if I have no experience about it??"
Well, Im a humanbeing. I decide to write this after watching a heartbreaking video about suicide shit. I broke into tears and how I wish I was there helping others. I never ask my feelings to react and what I got was a really sad thoughts whenever I think about it.
LISTEN.
There was a time I hit the lowest part of my life and it sucks! I feel very terrible. I hit my head with my fist many times and said negative words towards myself. I wanna smash thing so bad. I wanna curse at someone but at the same time I really wanna talk to someone that can understand my unstable mind. DISCLAIMER: IM NOT CREATING A FAKE SHIT
Yes, no one can understand since I know everybody I being close to with their personality. Our instinct never lie right? Yet I tell you only God know how terrible I feel about myself. I wish I was dead.
AND AT THIS POINT, I WAS WONDERING...
How painful life those with suicidal thoughts have faced in their life compared to me.
What if they are all alone and have nobody in life...
BUT I WANT YOU TO LISTEN.
UNTIL THIS POINT, I NEVER TALK TO SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND MY DEEP FEELINGS REALLY WELL. I BELIEVE NO ONE WILL GIVE A FUCK ON YOUR PROBLEM AND YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN( THERE ARE SOME,BUT THESE KIND OF PEOPLE ARE NOT EVERYWHERE AND CLOSE TO US, YET SOME MOTHERFUCKER WILL INSIST TO MAKE YOU TO FIND THEM INSTEAD OF DEALING WITH YOUR FEELINGS)
I KNOW YOU MIGHT SEARCHING WAYS TO CALM YOUR MIND BUT NOTHING MATCH YOUR NEEDS. BECAUSE FORMALITY OR THE RESULTS JUST MAKE YOUR FEELINGS NOT WORTH AT ALL.
I CRIED A LOT WHEN NO WANT IS WATCHING. I CRIED AND CRIED UNTIL I SAID TO GOD HOW USELESS I AM TO BE BORN.
LATER THAT ONE DAY
I REALISED
MY LIFE
I ONLY HAVE MY OWN LIFE ONCE
I WILL NEVER BACK ONTO THIS WORLD AGAIN AFTER I DIE
THE ONLY THING WE FORGET IS WE ARE ONLY LIVE ONCE.
WE CAN ACTUALLY DO WHAT WE WANT. IT IS FAILURE OR SUCCESS. AFTER FAILURE, YOU STILL HAVE OPTION TO CONTINUE OR DOING SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU CAN!!!
IF YOU ATTACHED TO SOMEONE WHO DESTROY YOUR LIFE. YOU HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS MIND TO GET AWAY FROM IT.
IF IT IS ABUSIVE, FIND A WAY TO REPORT THEM. IF YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY. DO IT! DO IT BEFORE YOUR WHOLE MIND ASK YOU TO TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE! AND BEAR IN MIND, THAT MOMENT IS THE ONLY TIME TOXICITY HAS INVADED YOUR PRECIOUS SOUL!!
YOUR LIFE IS PRECIOUS TO BE HURT!
YOU WERE BORN WITH A PURPOSE!
WHY ARE YOU WISH TO DIE FROM YOUR UNNOTICED SADNESS WHEN YOU CAN DIE IN YOUR EXPECTED TIME CREATED BY GOD, YET TRY TO DO MORE THINGS IN LIFE? NO MONEY?? PFFT. EVEN HOMELESS STILL MAKE MONEY IN A DAY AND CONTINUE TO LIVE. SMALL JOBS STILL RELEVANT. HAVE A CHITCAT WITH COLLEAGUE. JOIN A VOLUNTEER TEAM. I DON'T KNOW MAN. MAKE A LIST. IT HAVE WAYS TO DO.
YOU WERE BORN WITH CHOICES DARLING!
YOU GET DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF YOUR SURROUNDING. YOU JUST STUCK IN THERE FOR A MOMENT. WALK AWAY!
IT IS EVEN WORTH IF YOU DIE JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LIVE EVEN BETTER.
YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS TOO DIE WITH A WEAK SOUL.
GIVE YOUR LIFE A HOPE, LOVE!
IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU EVEN NO ONE IS AGREE WITH IT. BECAUSE YOUR SOUL ARE NOT CONNECTED WITH PEOPLE'S SHIT BUT ONLY AMAZING, YET CHALLENGING LIFE. THE HARDEST PART STILL will HIT YOU BUT IT HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY AND IF YOU ARE BEING CONSIDERATED, THEY ARE HAVING MUCH MORE SUFFER THAN WHAT YOU FACED.
IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMPARE YOUR STRENGTH WITH EVERYBODY ELSE. PLEASE, BE KIND TO YOURSELF. BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY HAVE THE SAME STRENGTH AS OTHERS BUT WE CHOOSE TO DOWNGRADE THAT.
I DON'T KNOW YOU.
I AM A HUMAN.
I CAN'T BE EVERYWHERE IN THIS WORLD.
BUT I CONCERN ABOUT YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
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